Lasts

Because Emery was breech, I had a c-section. I have to admit, I really liked the idea. Being the procrastinators that we are, it gave us a deadline in which we had to pack our bags--of course, that was Sunday night. As we packed, I felt an overwhelming sadness. For a while now, I knew that I did not want Emery to come out. I had many reasons. In my stomach, she was always with me. I was never alone. I never had to drop her off at the sitters, or watch her get hurt. She would move, and I would know right where she was. The thing I would miss the most had to be the hiccups. She would sometimes get them 2 or 3 times a day. I thought it was just adorable. So, on Sunday, as we packed, I couldn't help but think of all the things I was going to miss about being pregnant. No more singing together in the shower, no more hiccups at midnight, no more nudges in the side to let me know she was there. It hit me like a ton of bricks. Was yesterday's hiccups the last I would feel from within? I never thought to cherish them. I let them pass like all the others. For this, I was heartbroken. Hugh has always been great with me when I get emotional. This time, he shared with me how excited he was to finally be able to hold her , hug and kiss her, and to feel her hiccups himself. He helped me see that I was being selfish, in not wanting her to come out. It is easier on me not to have to see her in pain or discomfort, and to know that I was never alone. Finally, I fell asleep- sad, but looking forward to getting to see her. Then around 2:00...as many pregnant women do, I got up to go to the bathroom. Afterwards, I laid back down and tried to go back to sleep. That's when I felt them. Hiccups. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5... I continued to count. I wanted to cherish this "last." After 13 minutes, she stopped. I had counted 121. Did Emery do that for me? Did God? Either way, I was thankful. I could not wait to meet this little person that did such a great thing for me and who brought me so much joy all this time. Now, I thought, I can let her come.